There are lessons in this darkness - Caring for the Soul.
by guest blogger, Coach Rebecca Romo of “Meaningful Life Cultivation”
Nov 7, 2024
There are lessons in this darkness that we need to be able to see before we can know what to do.
Oh my.
The past 36 hours have been so full.
As I have been going through my own cyclical process with grief (and profoundly deep trauma responses), I feel drawn to share a few things I know through the core of my being, experience, and training...
When you feel disoriented, be it trauma, shock, pain, or deep grief, the desire may be to run away from the sensation of it - run into action, run into study or 24 hour news feeds, or run away into numbing with outside of you sources - drugs or alcohol or sex or over-exercising...
You will know if you are doing this because it will feel URGENT. Like you can’t do anything else.
My plea - don’t.
Instead, get “active” by checking in with your body.
Where is the urgent feeling? Where is the tightness? Where is the constriction? Where is the pain? Where is the illness sensation?
Is it in your gut, chest, back, neck, shoulders?
Don’t try to know why or explain it. Just and ONLY notice it.
(You may feel like running right now. It’s ok. Just breathe. You are free to run. Not holding you back here...but I still suggest - don’t.)
Notice the place (or places) of the constriction or pain - and take your hands to it. HOLD that part of your body. Let your body feel you being with it.
And breathe.
You might notice a feeling rise within you.
Again, notice it - but don’t let your mind start telling a story about that feeling (“I’m feeling this because xxxx...”) Just be with the feeling as it rises.
Notice it and then let it rise...if a sob rises...let it happen. If a primal scream rises, let it happen, if anger rises and pumps energy into your fists, let them pump in the air or find a pillow to receive the force. If you need to shout, shout (best done in a private space - as if you do so around others it can activate their fear or danger responses and then can cause a whole fear-based cascade of not good stuff.)
But stay with your attention inward on you.
Notice what happened as you release the feeling.
Did you get more peace and calm? Did you find more of yourself returning?
Or did it escalate? Did it worsen?
These are the cues to let you know if your method was helpful or not.
Note: None of these methods should EVER inflict harm on you or someone else. If it does, you are not quite doing it right and you will need to do the work of repairing what or whomever you injured, even if it’s yourself.
But if you found the right method for that moment, you will notice a bit more of you returning to yourself.
And, if you are in something intense...anticipate there will be more rounds ...and the location and type of feeling that rises may change.
I have been finding cycles of grief, terror, rage, hurt, confusion, fear...
And each one needed me to be with and walk through fully.
WHY AM I SHARING THIS?
Because the worst thing you can do in a time of emotional crisis or fear is act too quickly.
If a bear is actually charging you in the woods, run your ass off. That is different.
But if there is no bear in front of you, you need to get fully present with your body and spirit FIRST. Until you are in your center. Until you can feel your inner quiet and calm - even if the storms outside are mighty.
Why?
Because when we ACT while we are disoriented, overwhelmed, traumatized, or outraged, we are not neurologically able to function properly and there is a very very HIGH probability that you will do damage or cause harm in some capacity and/or that you will not be able to see the deeper or more complicated nuances and lessons embedded in all things that are this potent.
Be with yourself with love and care FIRST.
Lean in to those who you trust with your vulnerability and mess to be in connection.
Surround yourself with people who get you. NOT for more activation of shared fear or trauma, but to feel connected and safe. (If the other happens, we can actually deepen injuries and trauma responses - preventing healing.)
Now is not the time to go charging the castle or dive into action - unless you are the one who has to guide or lead right now to protect or aid in healing or helping. In which case, do your best to center in your own body and spirit first.
There are lessons in this darkness that we need to be able to see before we can know what to do.
Let’s not miss or rush the lessons. The first “lesson” you grasp at may not be accurate. It may actually be a trauma pattern. So we want to center first.
Now know this. All the things you are upset and disoriented by are also true. This is not a denial of that...
But we need to be grounded and embodied, we need to feel personally safe and loved, before we will act with the fullness of the best of our humanity and serve in building the world we seek.
We may even discover that we had some blinders on and that there are more folks seeking to build that better world that we were not aware of and were just holding onto a side of it that we couldn’t see.
I’m just asking for everyone to do their best to put your oxygen mask on first and take a moment to get reoriented.
There is a massive shifting happening and we need to be oriented in our bodies and able to access our full mind if we are going to be able to navigate it with our full health and well-being.
Sending my love.
Rebecca Romo
Former Psychologist turned Life Coach and Community Builder
Founder of COACH ROMO / Meaningful Life Cultivation
Meaningful Life Cultivation for Awesome, Purpose-Driven Humans with Expansive Minds, Bodies, and Spirits
@meaningful.life.cultivation
